Tuesday, March 25, 2008

What's Not in the DMV Book

Taking a left turn in LA is like playing Russian Roulette. Here's the rule: three cars to a yellow light. Traffic is so bad, it's a miracle if you get a chance to turn on a green light. And god help you if you deprive someone of their left turn. Which means an intersection with a left-turn arrow is like winning the lottery. Not that you get to fully capitalize, as you'll be stuck behind the crosswalk as you wait for all the cars to make their left from the last cycle.

You quickly learn the middle turn lane is really the UPS delivery lane.

The roads are so bad, you think you're in a third world country.

Valet parking is a scam. And they turn scarce legitimate on-street parking spaces into drop-off lanes for waiting cars. And how is strip-mall parking valet parking?

You quickly learn the value of "We Validate."

Crosswalks are like a quarter of a mile wide! But they kindly tell you how many seconds you have. And you're like, there's no way I can cross that in 12 seconds, but you can! The crosswalk near Cedars-Sinai is miles long!

The majority of drivers in LA learned to drive in some scary parts of the world. Like war-torn Lebanon.

Within a couple of weeks you'll suddenly be able to read passing ads in Spanish.

Outrunning the police on the highway is a rite of passage.

BTW, Schwarzenegger has got to hire some writers -- the DMV book is like a bad translation from Russian. I've seen Korean dramas subtitled better. Governor, I'm available.

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